Happy Sunday! Can you believe the year is almost over? Many people speak of love and how much they love another, but how many are actually living the true meaning of love? Sunday is my favorite day, especially when it … Continue reading
You have read the first part of Finding Strength in Softness. Here is part 2 so you can see where she is at in her goddess transformation and awakening journey. Enjoy reading! I am so proud of her!
I think that a lot of women, myself included, feel silly when they dare to think that they’re “sexy.” And the sad truth is that it’s likely because of the criticisms we feel from other women when we own our fierceness.
As an overweight youth, and very overweight young adult, my body is not something I’ve ever reveled in. It was never what gave me confidence or made me feel free. In fact, it was my prison, holding me back from opening up to people, feeling confident, or comfortable in my own skin.
Surprisingly, losing a significant amount weight did not result in those things either. I became perhaps even more self-conscious of my body than I had been previously. What I see now that I couldn’t see then is that self-worth was the key to bringing out that freedom, not the physical changes. And that was something I had not yet fully developed until earlier this year.
And what naturally happens when you begin to stand fully in your self worth? You get tested.
Recently, on a boat outing with my friend and unintentional style goddess and teacher of femininity, tu-anh love, I was presented with perhaps the smallest outfit I’ve ever put on my body and instructed to pose in it for a professional photographer. I’ve worn shirts with double the fabric of this supposedly “full-body” get-up. With two men on the boat with us, I was feeling especially conscious of my body and what it must look like in this teeny piece of fabric. Pre self-worth (and wine), I would have refused. But my will is not as persuasive as the creative life force known as tu-anh.
And I can’t lie… I felt sexy. Like, seriously sexy. And I wasn’t *hating* the encouragement from our men. In this space, with these people, in the sun and on the water (my happy place), I gave myself permission to not overthink it and simply just have fun. I’ll admit, it took all of those elements to get me to that mental space. But now that I’ve experienced that, it’s incredibly difficult to go back.
What’s changed since then?
- I’m not shy about being in a bathing suit — and no longer care that I don’t have a model body.
- I don’t feel shy about owning my femininity.
- I flirt, a lot actually. At the gym, the grocery store, walking in my neighborhood…
- I post photos on Instagram just because I feel sexy and want to share and empower other women. No more shame in my game!
- I don’t take myself so seriously because life’s too short.
More importantly, what I’ve discovered for myself is that sexiness isn’t about looks. It’s about freedom. Freedom from what anyone else thinks — and freedom from the thoughts that used to hold me back. And wow, the power that can be gained from that. Ladies, I’m daring you to embrace your femininity, your sexuality and do it with no fear, no shame, and no guilt! I will be back for my finale!
It’s not very often that a very manly, confident, and fearless titan comes into my life who inspires my creativity and awakens my soul. And he did exactly those things! My life is no longer the same since my short exchanges with him. Even though our time together was brief because I was leaving for my annual Goddess retreat in the Mediterranean, but every moment I spent with him was well worth it! He challenged me in mind, body, and spirit, especially from a very male perspective. Each time together with him was full of learning and discovering magical and unexpected life surprises. It was fun, creative, spiritually uplifting and thought-provoking. I felt safe, respected, understood, and protected when he was with me. We read each other’s minds on so many levels. He was a fast learner and could keep up with me and adapt to unexpected changes so effortlessly. Perhaps it was because of his athletic background or perhaps God created a real man in him to set an example for all the other men to follow? I don’t know and I will not guess, but all I can say is that it felt like I was with my masculine self.
He taught me so many life lessons without even knowing it. I do believe that he was an angel sent from heaven to help heal me of my emotional wounds, know my self-worth, and to never again settle for any man who is less than my emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual equal. He forced me to go within and look at all of the men in my life through a sharper lens, from family members to friends and lovers. What I discovered is that most of the men in my life currently are simply not strong enough for me emotionally and perhaps even physically, with one or two exceptions. 🙂
Looking back, I would often lower my vibration, tone down my passionate nature and creative self-expression just to match the men I was with. But no more, I assure you. I am so clear of the man I want to be with in the future, and the men I want to surround myself with in the now. No more conservative and uptight ones who on the outside appear strong, yet are so emotionally weak and insecure on the inside that I am left feeling unsafe and unprotected when I am with them. Who is to blame for that but my very own self? I can’t believe it took me 46 years to figure this out (late bloomer, I guess…)
Tonight as I was doing my domesticated goddess arts at home, he came into my mind and it inspired me to polish and refine my tu-anh Love House Rules below for all those who are fortunate enough to be invited over. Please feel free to contribute to my list. I hope wherever this special manliness of a soul and God’s gift to women is that he knows I appreciate and respect him deeply. I am forever grateful to him for transforming my life and awakening my divine feminine with his existence. I am sending love and light his way. I will pray for him to always be his best and most powerful self as our world needs his masculine strength! Stay tuned for more inspirational posts to come inspired by my handsome manly Greek Titan teacher and healer!
P.S. Some of you may be thinking perhaps he and I were intimately or romantically involved. The answer is no. He was my titan muse, my angel protector, my inner strength, and my soul teacher! Perhaps one day…time will tell (smiles)