Reasons I Love My Forties


Owning it. photo by Charles Martin

Do you know people in their forties who are going through a midlife crisis or depression because they feel like they are missing out or living life without purpose? I definitely do. But who said being in your forties has to make you feel that way? How we live our life is a choice that we make. No one can force us to do anything that we do not want to do. So how are you choosing to live your life?

Moi, I feel my forties is my most powerful decade of all and I am actually looking forward to my fifties as well. Call me a late bloomer, but I have never felt more powerful, more confident, more fearless, more beautiful, and more aware of myself and what I want for my life.  Below are some of my reasons why being in my forties is so oh-so wonderful.

My dear forty-something goddesses, I hope you embrace this beautiful decade and take ownership of it. Don’t wait around for the right job, the right time, the right house, or the right titan to come to you. Become the right person and enjoy this time with yourself. And soon, you will attract everything that is right for you. Titans, that goes the same for you, too. Don’t ever allow anyone or anything to design your life for you.

Reasons why being forty-something feels so amazing!

  1. Confidence.  Nothing and no one else matters but you. There is no need to please anyone but yourself. When you own your confidence. You own everything else!
  2. Feminine Powers. I used to be criticized and made fun of for being overly feminine. So I would play it down and try to suppress my femininity.  Well, you know that did not last very long because being a feminine woman is part of the fun for me. I own it now. It’s the best feeling ever to just let your inner goddess express herself freely without any fear of judgement.
  3. Saying NO Comes Oh So Easily.  I know this does not sound good, but I used to say yes to everything and everyone because I felt bad about letting others down, and then I get stressed and resentful because I overcommitted myself. It really was an Asian-Catholic-eldest girl in the family kind of thing. But now, I think of “me first” as a priority before giving away a YES, and wow – what a difference it makes.
  4. Life Experiences. By now, I have added more to my goddess’s toolkit. Those experiences – the wins and the losses – made me a better person because I learned what to do and what not to do.
  5. Respect. I feel like I respect myself more and because of that, I have also noticed that others respect me more and listen to what I have to share.
  6. Higher Standards and Expectations. Some people lower their standards when they get older, but it’s the opposite for me. My standards are even higher than ever before and I don’t settle for anything less than quality…and that includes men! 🙂
  7. Owning My Sexuality. Growing up in a Vietnamese-Catholic family, sex was considered something bad and forbidden and only for procreation. I used to feel guilty if I showed any kind of sexuality or indulged in any sensual pleasures. I believe there was even a time where I dressed a bit more like a tomboy to hide my feminine and sensual aura because a fortune teller in Vietnam told my mother to watch over me as I will have many suitors and am the most vulnerable to being taken advantage of out of her three daughters. Oh boy, was she wrong! 🙂 Believe it or not, I used to feel guilty when boys looked at me or liked me. It was bad, but I never showed that it really bothered me much. That’s probably why I did not experience my first real love until I was in college. Now, in my forties, I think owning my sexuality and being able to appreciate all things sensual is so wonderful. Embracing your senses and being aware of your sexual energy keeps you young and alive and is also good for your health. This is a deeply spiritual gift from God. You should know that your sexuality belongs to you and only you. Take ownership of it. Don’t depend on others to please you, but don’t give it away to those who don’t deserve that experience with you either. Knowing what brings you pleasure and understanding what turns you on before anyone else can is a natural thing. I am so grateful for that power.
You can just pick up and go as you please without any worries.

You can just pick up and go as you please without any worries.

Smiles...the secret to feeling youthful.

Smiles…the secret to feeling youthful.


You take better care of your body, mind and spirit, too.


My beautiful younger sister and I feeling fun and fearless in our forties…


We don’t leave the house without looking fabulous and polished 🙂


My friend David about to take me for a fun ride in one of his toys…

Top Five Love Life and Sleep Killers?

Today’s blog topic is my favorite: the bedroom, the most neglected space in the home.  This is the space where many people think they can be untidy and messy because no one sees it.  But to me, this is the space that we should take care of because it brings out our sensuality.  Your bedroom should feel inviting and exciting for passionate love-making, but at the same time promote calmness for a good night’s sleep.  So let me ask you this – on a scale of 1-10, (10 being great and 1 being not great at all) how would you rate your bedroom?  If it’s not a 10, then what would it take to make it a 10?

In my experience of decorating and designing bedroom spaces over the past 15 years including my own, here are the top 5 things that are love life and sleep killers…

1. Having a single night stand or two un-identical ones.  You should have identical night stands and bedside lamps to promote balance and respect in your relationship.  If you are single, you still need two identical night stands.  It is important to live as if you are already in a relationship.  For me as a woman, if a guy does not have two identical night stands in his bedroom, it means that he does not care to be in a committed relationship and if he was in a relationship, he would not be as thoughtful and considerate as a partner.

2. Clutter.  If you do not feel comfortable sleeping in the messy chaos of your own bedroom, then why would anyone else want to sleep there with you?  Would you want to see all that clutter before you go to bed and then see it again first thing when you wake up?

3. Electronics and technology.  Honestly, I think the majority of couples and single men I know have a TV, stereo system, computers and laptops, or some kind of electronics in the bedroom.  Once the lights are off, you should be in the bedroom for some passionate hanky panky or simply just to get some restful sleep…make sense?  Your emails can wait!  Besides, what are you doing bring the TV room or the office into your bedroom in the first place?

4. Mirrors.  A mirror facing the bed directly or positioned where you can see yourself while sitting or lying in bed is very bad Feng Shui. It depletes your personal energy when you need it the most: at night while your body is resting and restoring its energy for the next day. A mirror in your bedroom also represents having a third party involved in your love life.  This could be work, health issues, in-laws, friends, or even an affair, none of which are good for a loving and healthy relationship.

5. Bad color and pattern choices for bed spreads.  When it comes to Feng Shui, the secret is the balancing of Yin (feminine-calm) and Yang (masculine-active) energy.  Your bedroom’s purposes are rest and activity (sensual and passionate activity).  Having bed spreads that are black, brown, navy, green, gray, strong blue, plaids, checks, or funky patterned bed sheets will kill your love life. Furthermore, those prints and colors do not promote restful sleep either.  This to me is common sense, but I have seen so many people use these colors in their bedrooms, especially men!

Creating an inviting, relaxing, and sensual bedroom is easy.  All you have to do is have nice mood lighting, soft music, lavender-patchouli scented candles, red, peach or pink flowers, and 100% cotton sheets in white and soft colors or floral patterns along with high-quality down pillows and comforters.  Make sure to balance the yin and yang (feminine and masculine energy).  You do not want too much of one energy over the other.

There are many more tips I can give you related to this topic, but this is a simple list to help get you started. Below I have included some examples of balanced bedroom décor and accents.  Need help?  Contact me…


At the Edgewater Hotel in Seatle, Washington.  It is almost perfect.  I would make the other night stand identical, add some fresh red flowers by the bedside as well as 2 red candles, take out the teddy bear, and add another red pillow for even number.  The natural material bed posts enhances warmness to the space.


At the Shangri-La Hotel, Tokyo where I was staying back in November.  If it was my bedroom, I would make the bed a little fluffier and not as perfectly in place, add 2 red candles in vanilla-patchouli scent, and of course, some fresh red flowers and remover the clock and the phone.

This is an example of flowers that I would fill my bedroom with depending on what is in season.

This is an example of flowers that I would fill my bedroom with depending on what is in season and this is my side of the bed.


The nude male torso sculpture adds a nice touch to the male side of the bed.


This is the kind of sculpture you should have in your bedroom.

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Paintings like this one from Stefan Kuhn are the perfect art for your bedroom wall to promote passion and sensuality.