21 Questions to Ask About Your Relationship

Motivational image from my father.

Thich Nhat Hanh, my spiritual mentor has given me so much knowledge and wisdom on love and self- enlightenment that I would like to share with you.  The questions below which I took from his book, How to Love, will give you a better understanding of the relationship with the one you love, or with the one whom you believe you once loved. I am hoping that you will take the time to do this short exercise and experience its healing effect. These questions not only will help you in your existing relationship, but also in the strained ones. If you need to make a decision on whether or not to release a relationship that has not fulfilled you emotionally and spiritually, these questions will definitely open your mind to what is true for you and help you find the answer to love.

I, too have a confession to make: I once had a soulmate relationship with an intelligent, kind, handsome, and very chivalrous titan that dragged on and off for over 15 years and that was not good for my emotional well-being. Even though he is no longer in my life, my heart was wishy-washy about letting thoughts of him go. I kept imagining what it would be like if miraculously, he were to change and open his heart to me and allow his vulnerable side to be revealed. I never had the chance to know him deeply and truly. Finally, I have decided to do this heartfelt exercise below just to experience release and closure.  To my surprise, I was able to release him from my heart and healed my soul.  I am complete with this relationship.  I invite you to try answering these questions and experience it for yourself…

20 Questions for Looking into your Relationship – by Thich Nhat Hanh

  1. Are you in love? Yes, I think so.
  2. Are you still in love? Yes, I think so.
  3. Do you want to reconnect with the person who used to be the one you love? I am not really sure.
  4. Do you think that this person is happy? No, I don’t think so.
  5. Do you have the time for each other? I can make time for him, but I cannot answer for him.
  6. Have you been able to preserve your true presence for yourself and for the other person? Yes of course, but I don’t always feel that he is present for me.
  7. Are you capable of offering him or her freshness every day? Of course I am because routine bores me and I like exploring and trying new things.
  8. Do you know how to handle the suffering in yourself? Yes I do, but when it comes to Love, I am not so certain that I have mastered this area.
  9. Are you able to help handle the suffering in the other person? Yes, I believe I am able to do so…but the one I love has never showed his true suffering to me.
  10. Do you understand the roots of your own suffering? Yes I do.
  11. Are you able to understand the suffering in the other person? I have yet to experience any true suffering in him.
  12. Do you have the capacity to help the other person suffer less? Yes I do if he allows me to.
  13. Have you learned the way to calm down your painful feelings and emotions? Yes, I have truly.
  14. Do you have the time to listen to yourself and your deepest desire? Yes I do make the time to listen to myself, but as for my deepest desire related to love, I have not truly made the time.
  15. Do you have the time to listen to him or her and to help him or her suffer less? Yes I can make the time but I haven’t been given the opportunity to know what the suffering is.
  16. Are you capable of creating a feeling of joy for yourself? Yes absolutely, it’s my favorite thing to do.
  17. Are you capable of helping the other person to create a feeling of joy? Yes I am confident I can do that if he gives me a chance to do so. 
  18. Do you feel you have a clear spiritual path? Yes, wholeheartedly.
  19. Do you have the feeling of peace and contentment within yourself? Yes!
  20. Do you know how to nourish your love every day? Oh my Goddess, Yes!

How to Love is my very favorite book and I truly believe that every goddess and titan needs to have it in their personal library collection and read it often. Try to answer these questions for yourself and allow your heart to truly awaken and feel the love that is right for you. Remember to always be truthful with what is in your heart. If you are up for it, answer my question below after you have finished the 20 questions above.

  1. Can you see yourself being with this person for the rest of your life? No, because I do not believe that I can truly be my passionate, creative, wildly-mad-about-life goddess self! So you can imagine that this question obviously helped me to move on and release him from my life.

So there you have it. I am healed from this emotionally unfulfilling relationship. And please don’t even try to entertain the thought of who this titan could possibly be because that is for me to know and for you to always wonder about…. 🙂 xo

This love is real and long-lasting!

Happy National Honesty Day!

Steven’s books and coaching products are all available at our goddess sanctuary for our clients, too.

I know I am a day late, but happy National Honesty day! This is a day for us to celebrate all those wonderful relationships in our life that we already have straightforward communication with.  And for those relationships that are not there yet, I invite you to reach out to those that you would like to improve your relationship with and ask them, “On a scale from 1-10, how would you rate our relationship when it comes to open and honest communication?” If their answer is not a 10, ask them, “What would it take to make it a 10?” 

In my opinion, every day should be a day where we practice and model the behavior we seek in others when it comes to open and honest communication. Take a few minutes and watch the video below from one of my favorite titan clients, mentor, and dear friend who is the top honesty expert in the world.

Join me in spreading this message and encouraging all those around us to embrace living a life full of truth, self-expression, integrity, and honesty. You may have heard “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” which is really another way of explaining the “law of reflection.”  What this means is that when seeking open, honest communication in others, we have to make sure that we are setting that standard for ourselves. So let’s begin, shall we?

Abdulah, The Positive Homeless Woman

CAPTION HERE

Nini meeting a new homeless friend and keeping her company.

Finally, I ran into her again. When I first moved to my new creative workspace, I would see Abdulah, the homeless woman, from time to time sitting in front of the vacant building a few doors down, surrounded by bags, rags and newspapers.  Sometimes, it was cold and I would see her curled up in a corner.  Unlike other homeless strangers who I run into occasionally, Abdulah never begged for money or asked me for anything. Some days when I worked late and ordered dinner for myself to take home, I would see her on my way to the car and gave her my dinner. She never asked – it’s me that asked her if she wanted some food.  Then she would say yes.  When I gave her my food, she always said, “thank you” and that was all.

At one point, I even thought about asking her to clean our office if she wanted to make some money, but we are so organized and neat, the office does not need much cleaning.  I hadn’t seen her for awhile in Old Town Alexandria, and I often wondered how she is doing.  To my surprise, this past Friday, Nini and I were walking to the office and we ran into her in the same spot! I was so happy. This time, I stopped to talk with her. She told me her name is Abdulah, she’s from North Carolina, had lost her job, and made her way up to the DC area looking for a new one. I offered her my suitcase that I had in the office (see photo) so she wouldn’t have as many bags to carry.

When I asked her if she ate anything and she said no. I sent my 16-year-old intern, Kat, to give her $20 for some food and coffee. Kat gave her the money and told Abdulah that she would pray for her. In response, Abdulah simply smiled and said, “It’ll get better.”

This was such a great way to start a Friday for Kat, Nini, and I. We felt uplifted and inspired by how positive Abdulah was, despite her current situation.

What a great lesson for us all!

xo…tu-anh